Episode 189: Creating Magnetism in Relationships with Masculine and Feminine Energy
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Summary
If you looked at me you would never think of me as a 'masculine woman'. I'm a petite blonde who loves pink, and fashion, and flowers, and giggles giddily at puppy dogs.
However, for years I brought a masculine energy to my relationships, and I had no idea how much it was holding me back within my romantic life.
What did this look like for me?
- I would step in and plan the dates or the vacations because I didn't trust that he would do it (or that he would do it 'right').
- If he wouldn't text me quickly enough I wanted to take the lead and start pursuing him.
- I would inadvertently compete with him, usually via finances and career achievements.
- I always brought an 'I got this' energy.
- I would constantly lead conversations, showing up as Coach Kat instead of Girlfriend Kat.
And because of this hyper-independent, masculine presence, I was attracting more feminine men who were passive, checked out, wishy washy, and inconsistent.
Now I do want to reiterate, when talking about masculinity and femininity we aren't talking about looks. If you looked at the men I dated at first glance you would say they were all very masculine.
But we're talking about the energy we bring to a situation and how that energy changes the dynamic of a relationship.
And I know so many women who want to be with a solid, grounded man who pursues them, makes them feel desired, makes them feel safe, and who is assertive, confident, and consistent. This is a man who embodies healthy masculinity.
Yet when we show up in our own protective, masculine energy we tend to repel those types of men altogether. In order to pull that out of someone else, we need to surrender, to soften, and to get more in touch with our warmth, our sensuality, and our playfulness. This creates polarity within the relationship that is magnetizing to both the man and the woman.
I have to tell you though, when I first was introduced to these concepts I was at an absolute loss.
Part of me was afraid of putting away that hyper independent, strong, boss-bitch part of myself, because that's the part of me that felt safest.
And the other part of me straight up didn't know how to do it differently.
But over the last 6 months I've been on a journey of embracing my feminine energy, of leaning back and allowing myself to be pursued, of slowing down and softening, of connecting to my sensuality and let. me. tell. you. The dating game has completely changed.
I'm attracting more of the type of men I've always wanted to be with, there's an ease to dating that wasn't there before, there's a playfulness in my interactions with men where there used to be anxiety and stress, and funnily enough I feel more like myself then I ever did when I existed in my masculine energy.
You may be wondering how all of this started for me, why I decided to go on this journey at all, and how my dating experience has changed so drastically after two and a half years of bad date after bad date.
Well, it's largely thanks to my amazing friend and relationship and trauma expert, Laura Patricia Martin.
Which is why I wanted to bring her on the podcast for today's Valentine's Day episode.
She's going to delve into everything masculine and feminine energy:
- What are the many ways they show up for us?
- How can we find a balance between the two (since we all have both within us)?
- How do we use them to create a healthy, sexy polarity within our relationships?
- How do we connect with one versus the other?
Tap that play button above to get into all the juicy details!
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