Episode 71: 3 Mental Reframes to Stop People Pleasing And Prioritize YOUR Goals

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Summary

For most of us, the 'new normal' we're all trying to adapt to is tough. For those who are natural-born people-pleasers... it's a freaking nightmare. 

Boundaries don't exist at work anymore so you work longer hours. You're on mom/teacher duty 24/7. Your spouse may be asking you to take on more household chores. And basically everyone assumes you're home and available all the time.

With all of this going on, when you're at the beck and call of everyone around you and you feel too guilty to say no because they may have it worse than you, or they may really need you, how in the world are you supposed to find the time to fit in a workout? Or cook a healthy meal? Or do anything just for you?

Well, we know we don't have control over the actions of others. But I've found that with these 3 mental reframes, even my most people-pleasery of clients have found it easier to create healthy boundaries and start putting their own health and wellbeing at the top of their priorities list again.

1. 'I'm the only one who can_____.' >>> 'They are more capable than I give them credit for.'

We often feel like we can't say no to others, or we voluntarily take on more when we feel like we are the only ones who can do something 'right'. While at first this may seem gallant and selfless, if you really think about it, it's kind of insulting. 

You are not the end all be all in anyone's life, nor should you be. If you were out of town, in the hospital, or God forbid, dead, the people in your life would figure it out. LET them.

And even better yet, delegate to others! The rule of thumb here is, if someone else could do a job 80% as well as you could, then give them that responsibility. 

2. 'I have to _____.' or 'They made me _____.' >>> 'I choose to _____.'

I was chatting with a client just the other day and during her coaching call I noticed she kept on saying how her mom made her do this and her friend made her do that.

And sometimes we need reminding that we are grown-ass adults. No one can make you do anything, you choose how you spend your time.

And when you make other people's emergencies your emergencies and you drop what you're doing to help them, you send the message to yourself and others that your needs simply aren't as important as their wants.

3. 'Boundaries are selfish.' >>> 'Boundaries are healthy.'

I love the quote "The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none."

So yes, you may have people who make you feel selfish for setting boundaries, especially if they're used to you being their personal 'yes man'. 

But with time and consistency, those who are worthy of being in your life will get on board and will honestly respect you more for it. And those who were toxic and not worthy of your love or friendship will slowly fade out of your life, and that's ok too.

Want to know how to have those tough conversations with the people in your life? Listen in to the full episode to get a step-by-step action plan for setting and keeping boundaries in place.

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