Episode 93: Struggling to Become the 'New You'?

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Summary

We all have a version of ourselves we're trying to become: thinner, richer, healthier, happier, more motivated, more loving, more brave.  

We know where we want to be, we know we aren't happy with where we are, but sometimes we can't figure out how to get from here to there. 

It's one thing to make a change for a day, or a week, or a month. But how do you go from working out a few times here and there, to becoming someone who works out whether the motivation is there or not?

It's one thing to eat a healthy meal, but how do you become the person who doesn't feel the pull to binge on chocolate at the end of a hard day?

This transformation not only of body, but of life, of mind, of self, can't come from the pages of a diet book. We have to go deeper.

We have to get into our psyche and rewrite what's there. We have to allow a death of the old self, to make room for the new self to thrive and grow. 

How?

Write a goodbye letter.

So much of our struggle and our self-sabotage comes from not being ready to let go of a past version of ourselves. So take a moment to let them go and grieve the loss.

Tell them how they've helped you up until this point, they've made you who you are today, but you don't need them anymore. Thank them and then say a loving goodbye. 

Identify the different parts of you and your 'Alter Ego' and name them.

Identify the parts of yourself that you want to change (maybe the binger, the worrier, the judge, the emotional eater, etc.). Give the primary ones that show up again and again a name. 

Then name who you're trying to become, this is your Alter Ego. Really set her up as a fully fledged character in your mind. 

Flip the script.

If you're having a hard time letting go of a certain part of yourself. Or even if that part is just louder than you want it to be (for example, mine would be The Perfectionist), write out a script between that part of yourself and your Alter Ego.

Using myself as an example, I would start by letting The Perfectionist speak onto the page. I would let her share what she wants, what she's afraid of, what she's struggling with. And then allow the Alter Ego to respond. The Alter Ego acts as parent, or coach, or guide. They're there to lead with love, and coach with compassion, never ever to judge or punish.

3 words mantra.

Choose 3 words that describe your Alter Ego. Then have a reminder go off in your phone throughout the day with those 3 words to remind you to show up as that person today, right now, in any way you can.

Call on her/him during times of need.

I used to do this with a personal training client of mine. Her Alter Ego was Felicia. Any time she was feeling unmotivated or unenergized in the gym, we would call on Felicia.

I would say 'it's time for Felicia to come out and kick some ass!' And inevitably, she would indeed kick some ass. We can do this all throughout our day and call on our Alter Ego during times of struggle.

I know this all may sound crazy. But these have been some of the most powerful coaching tools my clients have used. Because when you can name the parts of yourself you struggle with, you're able to step outside of yourself and see the way forward more clearly.

Think about how much easier it is to give your friends advice because you can see things through a different lens. This gives you that lens for yourself. 

You already have everything inside of you to become fitter, healthier, happier, more successful. By giving that version of yourself a name, you discover your ability to step into and become that person immediately. And the more you lean into that, the faster you achieve the dreams that once seemed so far off. 

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